You see it's my half-term (the one-week holiday between the summer holidays and Christmas holidays) and I thought that it might be good to blog. So I was just thinking during the afternoon, what I should blog. I was going to just do a puff-piece about nothing in particular. But now-you're going to love it- I'm doing a self-discovery one. Cue the eye-rolls: I know, I love these, you're thinking, but really I don't I am really just finding myself as I am a teenager. The awkward phase where everyone cringes when they hear it but then, the small nostalgia kicks in when things were much simpler. That what the outfit for the non-uniform day is the biggest crisis or whether 'that' boy likes you etc. So I don't blame you if you don't continue reading- I do babble.
Now, the real exciting stuff starts. Actually when I first started writing this, about 5 minutes now, I was writhing with anger but now that seems to have evaporated. I had essentially been told off for doing the dishes, I'm sure that that won't have been the case according to my mother. Music really helps calms me down-obviously because any person would be furious if they had been told off for doing work but I'm okay- really.
I do love a good gossip. In fact I'm sure I was the source of all gossip a few years ago and revelled in a new dirty secret exposed. Until, everything turned around; my best-friend told my crush that I liked him and he laughed at me and told his friends; spread that I had done awful things to myself, when of-course I hadn't(wouldn't even dream of it) and many more. I can't them of them all but now, I don't care about them but am just a little careful to what  disclose to her. Now don't be feeling hatred towards her, I did some awful things too; I asked out her crush when I knew that she didn't want me too, although she kind of did, and he said no. However, she retaliated by telling my then-current crush that I liked him and I had to ignore him out of embarrassment for a year, that did not help when I was partnered with him in Chemistry- most awkward experience ever, I hate to think of what he thinks of me now.
Anyway, I digress, you always have people gossip about you, whether good or bad but you do. Never, in my short existence, did I think that my own mother and sister would talk about me negatively behind my back. I found out that I'm greedy, selfish and ungenerous. At first, I tried to ignore this and refute it, but i couldn't. I was a nasty person. I am a nasty person. Everyone wants to believe they are a good person, even a psychopath would think they are, but seldom are. I want to accept it, I don't want to ignore it and continue my behaviour. I don't know how to change though, I don't know what I'm doing wrong until it's out my mouth or until I have committed the crime. I try to think before my actions but it's seeming to be impossible. worst of all, I just spit out utter falderal. I am a waste of space. I would love to run away, it would be the most selfless act to commit, but I'm too selfish and cowardly. and I'm way too puerile.
Word of the day: falderal- mere nonsense; foolish talk or ideas.