You see it's my half-term (the one-week holiday between the summer holidays and Christmas holidays) and I thought that it might be good to blog. So I was just thinking during the afternoon, what I should blog. I was going to just do a puff-piece about nothing in particular. But now-you're going to love it- I'm doing a self-discovery one. Cue the eye-rolls: I know, I love these, you're thinking, but really I don't I am really just finding myself as I am a teenager. The awkward phase where everyone cringes when they hear it but then, the small nostalgia kicks in when things were much simpler. That what the outfit for the non-uniform day is the biggest crisis or whether 'that' boy likes you etc. So I don't blame you if you don't continue reading- I do babble.
Now, the real exciting stuff starts. Actually when I first started writing this, about 5 minutes now, I was writhing with anger but now that seems to have evaporated. I had essentially been told off for doing the dishes, I'm sure that that won't have been the case according to my mother. Music really helps calms me down-obviously because any person would be furious if they had been told off for doing work but I'm okay- really.
I do love a good gossip. In fact I'm sure I was the source of all gossip a few years ago and revelled in a new dirty secret exposed. Until, everything turned around; my best-friend told my crush that I liked him and he laughed at me and told his friends; spread that I had done awful things to myself, when of-course I hadn't(wouldn't even dream of it) and many more. I can't them of them all but now, I don't care about them but am just a little careful to what  disclose to her. Now don't be feeling hatred towards her, I did some awful things too; I asked out her crush when I knew that she didn't want me too, although she kind of did, and he said no. However, she retaliated by telling my then-current crush that I liked him and I had to ignore him out of embarrassment for a year, that did not help when I was partnered with him in Chemistry- most awkward experience ever, I hate to think of what he thinks of me now.
Anyway, I digress, you always have people gossip about you, whether good or bad but you do. Never, in my short existence, did I think that my own mother and sister would talk about me negatively behind my back. I found out that I'm greedy, selfish and ungenerous. At first, I tried to ignore this and refute it, but i couldn't. I was a nasty person. I am a nasty person. Everyone wants to believe they are a good person, even a psychopath would think they are, but seldom are. I want to accept it, I don't want to ignore it and continue my behaviour. I don't know how to change though, I don't know what I'm doing wrong until it's out my mouth or until I have committed the crime. I try to think before my actions but it's seeming to be impossible. worst of all, I just spit out utter falderal. I am a waste of space. I would love to run away, it would be the most selfless act to commit, but I'm too selfish and cowardly. and I'm way too puerile.
Word of the day: falderal- mere nonsense; foolish talk or ideas.

I need to get tested...for twatness?

So my casual Saturday night; in the conservatory sitting crying instead of practising the piano, you know the usual. Why you may ask, am I crying? No, I did not look at myself in the mirror and realise how ugly I am (the usual remark when I burst out laughing). Actually, I was thinking that I am overwhelmed by too much brain activity, yes, I know unusual, but then I was just recalling what had going on. And, wait for it....I had school, school friends, swimming, piano and family life. I AM SUCH A DRAMA QUEEN. I just stopped crying and realised what a twat I am: crying because I have a normal life. I mean, I don't have to fend for myself, I am not an orphan and I have no other major problems. But no, I cry because I have a few school tests and fighting a bit with my mum. WHAT A TWAT! I need to improve my vocabulary because I can't call myself a twat twice! There's a million things I am, and I cant think of two things to call myself!
Now new things in my life; stalking my opposite neighbour, he went to close his blinds and mine were already closed but there was this little gap which I could see through, and I just stared at him - I could only see a black figure with weird hair- and he just stopped and I kept on  staring. Not once did it occur to me that he could see me too. Such a retard.  My best-friend has gone all sulky, as if she's a brat, and even if she does ever reads this, she needs to hear this. I have quite a few best friends but she's is just asking so moody, I mean what is wrong?! Yes, sometimes (there's four of us in this little possy) we do get annoyed at each other but we settle it. She's lovely but she snaps at us and has these snarky little comments that annoys everyone-wait that's me-, she just says stuff like:
I say "wait, I'll walk with you."
She politely replies "It doesn't take two of us to walk there."
Well, I love her but she needs to sort out her issues. She doesn't talk to us and well, I cant blame her. We use each other to get through school, we don't actually know each other and talk about problems. So when my friend that I have kept in contact with when I moved, says to me "How the hell are you going to have sex?" via text, I am squirming. I mean I have gone from keeping my feelings inside to her bluntness. How we got to this point in the conversation, I don't know but it got there. I mean the most me and my friends talk openly about is that we are going to have a wee. Pretty boring-this could explain why I was crying on a Saturday night and not partying hard..... I am not telling you how I answered. 
So I conclude that I may be a twat, Bitch, retard, drama queen, ugly etc. Now, I can think of names!
But frankly, I don't give a flying monkey and since that's pretty spectacular ( a flying monkey), I really don't care. But I do...wait...WHAT?!  Well, yeah I do but I don't want to care.....


Goodbye, my flying monkeys.....