oops sorry

Haven't written for a while but i guess that's normal for me...unreliable and irresponsible! i know you are meant to be a lot of things to succeed including positive. But hell no! If they think i will be positive about coming to school everyday and going through the same bloody routine everyday! Then they have another thing coming! I mean fair enough put some enthusiasm into somethings but a constant smile and people are going to think I'm on crack!

As well as this if i have so much confidence I'm going to have a massive ego! Trust me i do not want  that and also I'm really shy! Now that angered me! Where the hell did the girl where i entered public speaking competitions and crap like that? I can't even stand in front of a bloody class and read a statement without shaking i think i have a problem! I have no confidence...ok.. well that's a lie. I'm pretty confident outside of school and loud and annoying but in school i can't stop eating my jumper and I'm terrible with confrontation but at home well i live to argue with my sibling!

Have i changed so much? Wow this post is deep, i should value it not very often ;does it come. Ok i get it you think i am crazy but 1. How the hell am I meant to ask these random question to my best friends without looking at me funny and sending my to psychiatric ward 2. And my mother had me tested so I'm not! (Did anyone else love 'Big Band Theory'? Or am i just that sad? )In fact don't even answer that i don't want to know because i have a feeling i won't like the answer!

Oh and peeps(my now nickname for my audience of one-myself) does anyone know how to work this damn blogger thing? All i know how to do is post and i think i even get that wrong!

Boredom

So I'm looking on the Internet and watching t.v randomly now. I just can't concentrate! I want to call it boredom but it's not it's just this weird feeling like lack of motivation but yet at school i am somehow woken up? Isn't that the opposite to normal people, therefore am i not normal? I even searched TEEN BOREDOM! apparently lot's of teens go through it but it's because of a reason..like there is nothing going on in their lives that they have to be enthusiastic about, yet me, i have so much going on right now it's overwhelming. CAN SOMEONE PLEASE TELL ME IF IT IS JUST ME WHO IS FEELING LIKE THIS????

No offence but I'm not really a writer i am just writing because at this particular moment it keeps my mind occupied. My stories are crap and i have an imagination of a potato...i would say five year old but as everyone knows they can come up with brilliant theories for everything and the first time i listened to one i found myself nodding in awe. But i love to read books. i just get wrapped up in one for days without stopping until i have finished it and then reading the next in the series leaving my GCSE'S to pile up and be left and my whole life turning upside down just to finish this book...and the next and the next..of course until they finish. I become quite depressed and wonder and every single detail and then wondering why my life is not like that. Obviously i am not reading any books because my life turns to havoc but i miss the feeling. I just can't win!

Honestly, i think my brain just has it's own conversations wondering about whether to do things or to say things!

first intro about me

so this is what i do now in my spare time. i have obviously nothing better to do, not that writing a blog is a bad thing, considerably not! In fact I'm pretty sure it's pretty different, getting unknown people and readers opening your writing that is all over the Internet. Normally the competitive streak wins and you race to have as many readers, the number increasing as your blog holds gossip or whatever exciting things excite the world today.

But what happens if you share your feelings? Does that just mean you have no friends? Maybe...... if i were to explain my feelings then wouldn't everyone have to know the whole background of my life(so far) and every detail to really understand. That would take ages....... well, not that long since 1. my life is as interesting as  a dried pea and 2. my life only consists of 14 years. The latter meaning i have very little experience. huh...i wonder if anyone will actually read this or am i just rabbiting on about whatever spontaneous junk fills my head at this current moment? Or am i experiencing the first signs of craziness and talking to myself, online, completely humiliating myself.