Sorry, peeps

So for anyone actually out there reading this, or is it still just myself? Well anyway, Peeps, i am sorry. for being awful and not blogging. So....yeah..glad that's out in the open. I feel lighter..yep..probs because i've stopped eating now. I never stop eating, i always have food. That's why my all time favourite song is.......'Food, glorious, Food' by Oliver Twist. Hell, yeah. he had the right idea! everyone should sing about food! Why would you not! Its just so amazing and gorgeous. No wonder people take comfort in it, i mean, its reliable, nice, always there, doesn't yabber away, tastes amazing and not to mention....DOES NOT JUDGE! So when i am eating my way through my second whole, Costco sized blueberry muffin. It doesn't pull a stern face or tut it just sits there and waits for it to be eaten. How sweet? See, i told you! Don't you love it?  Oh and also if you don't know what Costco is, well then my dear friend(s) you have not lived so therefore there is no point in explaining it! If you really are that desperate, google it. That's practically my answer for everything! Isn't it everyones? Of course it is! Who am i kidding?

Soooo...i kind of have ran out of things to say about food, i know shocker, right? But, well i am pretty tired at 9pm! Hah, i know you can laugh, i am a wimp. i normally stay up really late and just read but i feel pretty tired. Probs from doing nothing, i know that really is tiring.So i know, i sound like a mega geek? Who the hell stays up till 3am just to read, in my defence they are really good books. Not really helping, am i? Oh, well what the hell do i care? If i am a geek, i don't care. Yeah you think 'geeks' are boring and drone on. Well, don't you have another think coming. I am clearly not dull, not to boast, but i am crazy. I actually asked my friend if one of those panels on the wall open up and if there is a magic portal behind! Yeaaaah....okay....maybe i was hyper on stuff there. Btw, stuff does not mean drugs it means skittles!  I mean who cannot love skittles? They are like little balls of fin and colour! Omg, i think im going to dream about skittles, tonight. Not like a sick dream but you know the place in Ice age when the little cute squirrel floats in the acorn heaven? Well, replace all the acorns with skittles, there you have an exact replica of my to-be dream. Yeah...how many people are jealous i can choose my dreams? Yeah, well not for very long, i cant choose, i'm just hoping that's my dream. Cas lately i have been getting awful nightmares....yeah not like stupid clowns or monsters but they feel so real life ones.

Do you want to know it? Well, don't laugh, oh who am i kidding? Who would laugh, its probably just going to be me reading this. Sooo anyway, i get nightmares of my crazy, stupid, whacky but oh-how-i-love-so-much sister dying. I keep getting to the news of her dying, it just hits me over and over again. Each night. And every time, i somehow forget. It's awful, once  i even lay awake for 6hrs just waiting for morning so i didn't have to close my eyes. I didn't even imagine what i would do. So later during the day, i just think sometimes i would go all silent and focus on studying. Then i think if it happened i would go extremely hyper to make up for my sister, or just if anyone left her somehow to die, just kill that person. (obvss not literally, I'm not that loony but just disown them and stuff because at the moment i keep having the dream where my cousin leaves my sister to die). So yeah....im glad that's out.

Okay....now probably in the future when i do read this(to give myself my first read on this post, Ahah because no one is really sad enough to read my crap) i will think i am loony. And bonkers and really need to go into a mental home. Sooo....yeah if someone does read this and you do get really worried by this. DONT! Okay, I'm usually not into that tell all stuff. So probs that wont happen again, so yeah. Just thought i would share that with someone, even it is my future self. Soooo.....

Yeah bye Peeps. I have done a really long bloggy, kinda to make up for my missing presence of 2 months. So yeah dudes(also another nickname for my so-called audience), peace out.

oops sorry

Haven't written for a while but i guess that's normal for me...unreliable and irresponsible! i know you are meant to be a lot of things to succeed including positive. But hell no! If they think i will be positive about coming to school everyday and going through the same bloody routine everyday! Then they have another thing coming! I mean fair enough put some enthusiasm into somethings but a constant smile and people are going to think I'm on crack!

As well as this if i have so much confidence I'm going to have a massive ego! Trust me i do not want  that and also I'm really shy! Now that angered me! Where the hell did the girl where i entered public speaking competitions and crap like that? I can't even stand in front of a bloody class and read a statement without shaking i think i have a problem! I have no confidence...ok.. well that's a lie. I'm pretty confident outside of school and loud and annoying but in school i can't stop eating my jumper and I'm terrible with confrontation but at home well i live to argue with my sibling!

Have i changed so much? Wow this post is deep, i should value it not very often ;does it come. Ok i get it you think i am crazy but 1. How the hell am I meant to ask these random question to my best friends without looking at me funny and sending my to psychiatric ward 2. And my mother had me tested so I'm not! (Did anyone else love 'Big Band Theory'? Or am i just that sad? )In fact don't even answer that i don't want to know because i have a feeling i won't like the answer!

Oh and peeps(my now nickname for my audience of one-myself) does anyone know how to work this damn blogger thing? All i know how to do is post and i think i even get that wrong!

Boredom

So I'm looking on the Internet and watching t.v randomly now. I just can't concentrate! I want to call it boredom but it's not it's just this weird feeling like lack of motivation but yet at school i am somehow woken up? Isn't that the opposite to normal people, therefore am i not normal? I even searched TEEN BOREDOM! apparently lot's of teens go through it but it's because of a reason..like there is nothing going on in their lives that they have to be enthusiastic about, yet me, i have so much going on right now it's overwhelming. CAN SOMEONE PLEASE TELL ME IF IT IS JUST ME WHO IS FEELING LIKE THIS????

No offence but I'm not really a writer i am just writing because at this particular moment it keeps my mind occupied. My stories are crap and i have an imagination of a potato...i would say five year old but as everyone knows they can come up with brilliant theories for everything and the first time i listened to one i found myself nodding in awe. But i love to read books. i just get wrapped up in one for days without stopping until i have finished it and then reading the next in the series leaving my GCSE'S to pile up and be left and my whole life turning upside down just to finish this book...and the next and the next..of course until they finish. I become quite depressed and wonder and every single detail and then wondering why my life is not like that. Obviously i am not reading any books because my life turns to havoc but i miss the feeling. I just can't win!

Honestly, i think my brain just has it's own conversations wondering about whether to do things or to say things!

first intro about me

so this is what i do now in my spare time. i have obviously nothing better to do, not that writing a blog is a bad thing, considerably not! In fact I'm pretty sure it's pretty different, getting unknown people and readers opening your writing that is all over the Internet. Normally the competitive streak wins and you race to have as many readers, the number increasing as your blog holds gossip or whatever exciting things excite the world today.

But what happens if you share your feelings? Does that just mean you have no friends? Maybe...... if i were to explain my feelings then wouldn't everyone have to know the whole background of my life(so far) and every detail to really understand. That would take ages....... well, not that long since 1. my life is as interesting as  a dried pea and 2. my life only consists of 14 years. The latter meaning i have very little experience. huh...i wonder if anyone will actually read this or am i just rabbiting on about whatever spontaneous junk fills my head at this current moment? Or am i experiencing the first signs of craziness and talking to myself, online, completely humiliating myself.